Unto the Least

I have been participating in the 30 days of thankfulness thing that goes around Facebook this time of year.  It's a great exercise in really being mindful and giving some real thought to the blessings in our lives.  There is something about writing it out that really does make you feel so much gratitude for all that is good in your life.  I try to write a post specifically about my husband, each of my children, my grandchildren, and my son-in-law.  I already posted about my best and oldest friend, and my amazing boss and coworkers, and I have another couple of friends I want to post on.  I like to give each person their own space so I can thoroughly express what they mean to me.  But honestly, there have been a couple of days that were rough because I wasn't feeling well, so on those days I did find something to post thankfulness about, but I felt like it was okay to also say that I was having a rough day.  God is cool like that; I know that he understands when I need to just say you know God, I'm having a pretty crappy day.  He likes it when we are honest and transparent.  In fact, he prefers it that way.

This past weekend Jay and I went down to Waco to attend worship at Church Under the Bridge (read about it here: http://www.churchunderthebridge.org/).  Our son Andy is a member of BRH, a worship choir at Baylor University, and they were leading worship on Sunday at CUB.  It is literally under a bridge at the main overpass right adjacent to Baylor.  It is pastored by Jimmy Dorrell, the Director of Mission Waco.  Many of the people who come are homeless, or from various shelters.  There are also folks there who are not homeless, who are members of local churches, but choose to worship at this church either every week or on a frequent basis, just because they love these people.  Breakfast is provided by a different local church each week.  They have small groups, and groups for the kids.  Just like any church.  But not.  Not at all.  There is a lot of love, and lot of genuine need, and a lot of pain, all displayed on the many different faces, young, old and in between.  Most are there because they love God and know that they have a need for something beyond their physical needs; some don't know or care, they just come for the food.  Either way they are met with love and compassion and genuine friendship.

During this particular worship service, communion was served.  It was pretty informal - we stood in line, tore off a piece of bread from a large French loaf, and picked up a small plastic cup of grape juice with a lid on it.  (The bread thing didn't bother me at all, but I will say if you are a germophobe, you would need to get over that if you are going to work with homeless people.)  After some words by Jimmy, everyone partook in the usual manner.  Afterward, Jimmy asked that each person turn to the person next to them and tell them something they were thankful for.  Jay turned to me to tell me he was thankful for me (there was no one sitting on his other side).  By this point in the service, I was so overcome with emotion from thinking about the ridiculous amount of material wealth I have compared to the people around me, and just HOW MUCH need there is and how many people are hurting and feeling SO very humbled and helpless and useless and embarrassed at all I have, that I was literally unable to even speak to tell him what I was thankful for. 

If you know me, I am not a person who cries much at all.  I am moved emotionally, often, but it rarely brings tears.  But it was all I could do to keep from sobbing out loud.  God has been doing a work in me, in both of us, for the last couple of years, moving our hearts to get involved in the work of serving the poor and needy, the hurting, the outsiders, the ones who are not like us.  He has created a restlessness in our hearts to make some big changes, and we have come to the point where obedience is required.  And this service was just a huge reminder, and a confirmation in my heart, that God is leading us. 

Leading us where?  I don't know.  Leading us to what?  I don't know.  And being the Scheduler that I am (one of Jay's pet names for me), resting in and being content with "I don't know" is one of the hardest things you could ask me to do.  I like to plan, I make lists, I calendar just almost every activity in my life so that I can know what to expect and plan accordingly.  And if you move my cheese, it takes me some time to adjust.  Not that I can't adjust, it just doesn't happen immediately. 

I had a conversation with my dearest friend just yesterday about living in the moment, and I told her I'm not really so much of a live in the moment girl as a "how much can I get done in this block of time" girl.  I even "triage" my lists if there is more to get done than is possible that day.

But God doesn't operate by my lists, or my timetables, or my slightly dysfunctional need to know and plan and plan some more.  He asks me to trust him with today.  And then tomorrow.  And then the day, the month, the year after that.  He promises that he has a plan for my life, but he does not promise to reveal it to me more than one day, sometimes one hour, at a time.

So.  I pray a lot.  I worry a lot.  I speculate and wonder and guess and try to make a plan that I can offer God, you know, just to help him out.  Here you go, here's a good plan that I think will work, if you'll just sign off on it we can get started.  That sort of thing.  Not happening. 

So I will wait on the Lord.  I will take the steps he asks of me, at the time he asks it.  I will have to trust, and hope that I understand clearly.  And if I don't, and I go the wrong way or get on the wrong path, I know he will guide me back.  Either gently, or if I am being stubborn or dense, perhaps with a more tangible bop on the head or kick in the pants. 

In this season of thankfulness, the thing I am most thankful for, beyond my family, my friends, my job, my home, food on my table, clothes to wear - more than all of that, I am thankful that I serve a God who loves me enough to sacrifice his son for me, and enough to challenge me and push me out of my comfort zone and make me grow for his purposes and to serve the ones he loves.  He makes me accountable for all the blessings he has given me, to give back, to be his hands and feet, to show his love to those who need it most, regardless of their circumstance or lifestyle, whether they know him or not.  We are all God's children.  God bless us every one.

Matthew 25:39-40