Unglued - Who's in Charge Here, Really?

1 Peter 5:8 NIV84
Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

 Self control.  Taming my tongue.  Not exploding.  Yeah, those things are so much easier said than done.  This week in Chapter 5, I highlighted a lot of passages, nodding my head in recognition of the truths I found there.  But I also had to acknowledge that I am, for the most part, an exploder.  Sometimes that explosion is external, and sometimes it is internal, muttering to myself, thinking all the things that I would like to say out loud but the people-pleaser in me will not allow it (which is probably a good thing, as I would most likely have a great deal less friends if it was ALL external exploding).  Sometimes, it feels like I'm the one doing the devouring . . .

Recently I was driving and radio surfing, which is one of my habits that annoys my husband to no end, but I was alone, so there.  An interview with Judge Lynn Toler of TV's Divorce Court came on, and I was going to change it but I was curioius to hear what she had to say (I don't watch the show but I'm familiar with it).  She talked about a lot of things, and made a lot of sense, and I found her insightful, intelligent, funny, and very honest.  One comment she made grabbed me by the throat and shook me like a rag doll, and it has been rolling around in my mind ever since, because it was SUCH a powerful truth.  And it applied to me personally on the money.  And when I began this study, this truth jumped up in my mind again because it so beautifully applies:

"We FEEL much faster than we THINK.  So take a pause for the cause, before you respond."

Oh, my, how true that is for us Exploders.  Our emotions race forward and out of our mouth before our mind even has a chance to assess the truth of the words we are spewing, to consider the person we are exploding at, what their meaning may have been, and certainly without allowing time to formulate a Godly response, or even to step away for a few moments (or days) before responding.  The feelings just tumble out and all over the person we are exploding at, blowing back on us as well like special effects blood spatter in a movie.  And then we are both a mess, and the Exploder, once our mind catches up with our emotions, is either embarrassed, shamed, sorry, angry at ourselves, defensive, or some combination of all of the above.

How many times I've wished I could reel those words back in my mouth once my brain and reason kicks in.  And sometimes, even more disturbing, once I get going I literally don't know how to stop the spewing.  I have shared with my husband that sometimes it's as though I'm standing back watching another person ranting and raving and spewing ugly and unkind words, the anger and frustration rising, drowning out that little voice of reason in my head that is saying STOP.  Just take a breath and STOP, NOW.

When it's one of those people-pleasing situations where I cannot say what I want to say in the heat of emotion, then the muttering to myself can build into resentment and I end up carrying those thoughts out into assuming all kinds of scenarios and putting all kinds of thoughts and intentions on the other person that have little to do with reality, but because I'm spewing inwardly, there is no opportunity to actually dialogue with the person and know the truth about them or share the truth about how I'm feeling.

I love this statement from Chapter 5 under Crafting My Response Template:

"I'm trying to remember not to let my lips or typing fingertips be the first thing that walks into a conflict."

So that's where I'm living this week.  Working on crafting my response template, and tattooing these words on my forehead . . .

 

We FEEL much faster than we THINK.

So take a pause for the cause.